1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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