I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
