It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
