she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize