Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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