your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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