What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
