Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
