he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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