I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
This is my gift to your gina
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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