im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
