Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
