You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
he quoted the bible to break up with me
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
