I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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