accomplished twins. life is a go
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
