I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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