I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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