I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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