just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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