Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
