I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
