it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
