I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
