You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
