i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
