My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
