theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
