I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
