I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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