I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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