You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
A+ Viking dick
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
