nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
