Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
