Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
