Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
