Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
