Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
