what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Randomize
