Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
