Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
