Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
