I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
