walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I touched a dick in church today
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
