Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
