Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
