do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize