he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize