At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
