am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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