So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
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