I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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