We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
