Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
