i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
