i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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