They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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