Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize