You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
