Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
