Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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