We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
