It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
