In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
