id be glad to
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize