If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Text me some of your sweat
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
